the morning after… and he does admin over affection
The morning after. It’s always a weird one. Especially if it’s the first time you’ve hooked up with somebody. Do you spoon? (Y/N) Do you sleep? (Y/N) Personally for me, it’s always a big fat no, I’m so hyper aware of being next to somebody I’m terrified that I will either slap them in the night / fart when I fall asleep / get thirsty and be unable to crawl over their stock still body that I will actually die of thirst, staring at the hundreds of glasses of water, gleaming on their bedside table. These are the thoughts that haunt my post-coital dreams. Just normal, hot girl shit x
I’ve never had someone do f•••ing admin over f•••ing me, but first time for everything.
One such morning, that is AFTER an evening of sexual intercourse (no worries guys) and a severe lack of sleep on my end I woke up expecting cuddles/ kisses/ perhaps a small cake. I expected to be hosted, essentially. The boy, well, he woke up positively beatific. Well rested, he said he’d barely noticed I. was. there. CUTE. It’s actually quite unfair how hot boys look naturally in the morning. The bar is lower, sure, they’re not competing with their made up selves, but I never look cute after a sleepover. On the odd occasion I’ll wake up glowing, after a good night’s sleep without pillow lines encrusted on my face, I am NEVER in company. It’s a total crap shoot.
He’d warned me he had work to do in the morning. Sure, work shmerk I thought. When you’ve got a total BODACIOUS babe on your hands, some goddamn emails can get in the bin. Can’t they?? Well, how wrong I was. This is the first (and last) time in my life where admin came over affection. And I was SHOOKETH. I figured he’d get get those emails out the way then go for round 2 of some sweet, sweet lovin’ and make me a delicious meal of eggs, bacon, sausages, possibly baked beans and maybe some hot flaky pastries if he could be arsed to walk to the shops.
It’s weird how much a room says about someone, especially when they’re not there to talk through the weird bits.
Well, my expectations were not met, friends. Hanging out in his room while he did “emails”, I perused his book shelves…. A lot of content on “leadership” but by shitty American authors who’d worked in a corporate job for 30 years and therefore decided they were Jesus’ second coming. A poster for some random boxing film I’d never heard of (signed of course) and some questionable colourful trackies cum leggings from his #party uni days.
It’s weird how much a room says about someone, especially when they’re not there to talk through the weird bits. Give you an anecdote that explains why there’s a cone in their room, or they’ve taken the time to colour coordinate their bookshelves. I thought his emails would take 20 mins, half an hour max, but then I heard strange noises, was he moving furniture around and… on the phone to his mum??! Now I was feeling incredibly awkward. Should I pop into the kitchen, ‘Hi Barbara! Great to meet you, your son was inside of me 7 hours ago, hope you’re well!’. I’ve never had someone do f•••ing admin over f•••ing me, but first time for everything. So, I did what every self respecting woman would do, made myself a coffee and had a 30 minute long shower. If I wasn’t getting laid, I was going to leave that house feeling cleaner than the day I was born. I used all the lotions and potions that ghosts from girlfriend’s past had left behind and wondered... Had they too fallen victim to admin over affection? Next time I hook up with someone, I’ll make sure to sync up with their iCAL or, ya know, just not date an A-hole, either one.