It seems like kind of a failure to admit that you want someone. That despite all the feminist messaging hitting us over the head on instagram, to spend time with yourself, get to know yourself, to be a boss bitch by yourself, you still somehow aren’t satisfied with it just being, well yourself. And being alone wouldn’t really be a problem, if you didn’t feel like it was a state that you needed to escape from, a limbo period, before meeting someone and your “real life” begins. Ew. Obviously.

A guy I was seeing a couple weeks back – blue eyes, perfect peen, no personality – would respond “wow that’s deep” anytime I brought up anything vaguely rousing or some kind of philosophical/ social/ political debate. But, to me if we’re not talking about your future dreams / weird ass relationship with your mother and how you’ve NEVER got over the fact that your goldfish Parsley died because you overfed it, then WHAT are we even doing here?!?I

The morning after. It’s always a weird one. Especially if it’s the first time you’ve hooked up with somebody. Do you spoon? (Y/N) Do you sleep? (Y/N) Personally for me, it’s always a big fat no, I’m so hyper aware of being next to somebody I’m terrified that I will either slap them in the night / fart when I fall asleep / get thirsty and be unable to crawl over their stock still body that I will actually die of thirst, staring at the hundreds of glasses of water, gleaming on their bedside table.

Sky was his name on the app. It made me think of summer and 70s dads with moustaches wearing too tight trousers and claiming they were “in the band” when they really just played the tambourine from the audience. He looked hot. Obviously. And was not a weirdo ( or at least didn’t appear to be one) which on a dating app like Feeld is really not a given.