“At my first lesbian bar I felt like a kid with braces attending a disco for the first time. I didn’t know what to wear. How to act. Who would be there? What would the other kids be like?! Were there rules??.”

A first date tells you a lot about someone. What they wear. Where you go. How they smell. (Just me?? ok). We thought we’d give you a run down of first date locations and what the hell your choice says about you…

A guy I was seeing a couple weeks back – blue eyes, perfect peen, no personality – would respond “wow that’s deep” anytime I brought up anything vaguely rousing or some kind of philosophical/ social/ political debate. But, to me if we’re not talking about your future dreams / weird ass relationship with your mother and how you’ve NEVER got over the fact that your goldfish Parsley died because you overfed it, then WHAT are we even doing here?!?I

The morning after. It’s always a weird one. Especially if it’s the first time you’ve hooked up with somebody. Do you spoon? (Y/N) Do you sleep? (Y/N) Personally for me, it’s always a big fat no, I’m so hyper aware of being next to somebody I’m terrified that I will either slap them in the night / fart when I fall asleep / get thirsty and be unable to crawl over their stock still body that I will actually die of thirst, staring at the hundreds of glasses of water, gleaming on their bedside table.